145 lines
12 KiB
EmacsLisp
145 lines
12 KiB
EmacsLisp
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(define-derived-mode narf-splash-mode special-mode "NARF"
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"Splash screen for Narf emacs.")
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(defun narf/splash-init ()
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)
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(defun narf/random-comeback ()
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(let ((replies '("I think so, Brain, but where are we going to find a duck and a hose at this hour?"
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"I think so, but where will we find an open tattoo parlor at this time of night?"
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"Wuh, I think so, Brain, but if we didn't have ears, we'd look like weasels."
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"Uh... yeah, Brain, but where are we going to find rubber pants our size?"
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"Uh, I think so, Brain, but balancing a family and a career ... ooh, it's all too much for me."
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"Wuh, I think so, Brain, but isn't Regis Philbin already married?"
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"Wuh, I think so, Brain, but burlap chafes me so."
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"Sure, Brain, but how are we going to find chaps our size?"
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"Uh, I think so, Brain, but we'll never get a monkey to use dental floss."
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"Are you pondering cheesesticks?"
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"Uh, I think so Brain, but this time, you wear the tutu."
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"I think so, Brain, but culottes have a tendency to ride up so."
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"I think so, Brain, but if we covered the world in salad dressing wouldn't the aspargus feel left out?"
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"I think so, Brain, but if they called them 'Sad Meals', kids wouldn't buy them!"
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"I think so, Brain, but me and Pippi Longstocking -- I mean, what would the children look like?"
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"I think so, Brain, but what would Pippi Longstocking look like with her hair straight?"
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"I think so, Brain, but this time you put the trousers on the chimp."
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"Well, I think so, Brain, but I can't memorize a whole opera in Yiddish."
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"I think so, Brain, but there's still a bug stuck in here from last time."
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"Uh, I think so, Brain, but I get all clammy inside the tent."
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"I think so, Brain, but I don't think Kaye Ballard's in the union."
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"I think so, Brain, but, the Rockettes? I mean, it's mostly girls, isn't it?"
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"I think so, Brain, but pants with horizontal stripes make me look chubby."
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"Well, I think so -POIT- but where do you stick the feather and call it macaroni?"
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"Well, I think so, Brain, but pantyhose are so uncomfortable in the summertime."
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"Well, I think so, Brain, but it's a miracle that this one grew back."
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"Well, I think so, Brain, but first you'd have to take that whole bridge apart, wouldn't you?"
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"Well, I think so, Brain, but 'apply North Pole' to what?"
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"I think so, Brain, but 'Snowball for Windows'?"
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"Well, I think so, Brain, but snort no, no, it's too stupid!"
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"Umm, I think so, Don Cerebro, but, umm, why would Sophia Loren do a musical?"
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"Umm, I think so, Brain, but what if the chicken won't wear the nylons?"
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"I think so, Brain, but isn't that why they invented tube socks?"
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"Well, I think so Brain, but what if we stick to the seat covers?"
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"I think so Brain, but if you replace the 'P' with an 'O', my name would be Oinky, wouldn't it?"
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"Oooh, I think so Brain, but I think I'd rather eat the Macarena."
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"Well, I think so hiccup, but Kevin Costner with an English accent?"
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"I think so, Brain, but don't you need a swimming pool to play Marco Polo?"
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"Well, I think so, Brain, but do I really need two tongues?"
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"I think so, Brain, but we're already naked."
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"Well, I think so, Brain, but if Jimmy cracks corn, and no one cares, why does he keep doing it?"
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"I think so, Brain NARF, but don't camels spit a lot?"
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"I think so, Brain, but how will we get a pair of Abe Vigoda's pants?"
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"I think so, Brain, but Pete Rose? I mean, can we trust him?"
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"I think so, Brain, but why would Peter Bogdanovich?"
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"I think so, Brain, but isn't a cucumber that small called a gherkin?"
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"I think so, Brain, but if we get Sam Spade, we'll never have any puppies."
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"I think so, Larry, and um, Brain, but how can we get seven dwarves to shave their legs?"
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"I think so, Brain, but calling it pu-pu platter? Huh, what were they thinking?"
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"I think so, Brain, but how will we get the Spice Girls into the paella?"
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"I think so, Brain, but if we give peas a chance, won't the lima beans feel left out?"
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"I think so, Brain, but I am running for mayor of Donkeytown and Tuesdays are booked."
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"I think so, Brain, but if we had a snowmobile, wouldn't it melt before summer?"
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"I think so, Brain, but what kind of rides do they have in Fabioland?"
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"I think so, Brain, but can the Gummi Worms really live in peace with the Marshmallow Chicks?"
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"Wuh, I think so, Brain, but wouldn't anything lose its flavor on the bedpost overnight?"
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"I think so, Brain, but three round meals a day wouldn't be as hard to swallow."
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"I think so, Brain, but if the plural of mouse is mice, wouldn't the plural of spouse be spice?"
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"Umm, I think so, Brain, but three men in a tub? Ooh, that's unsanitary!"
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"Yes, but why does the chicken cross the road, huh, if not for love? I do not know."
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"Wuh, I think so, Brain, but I prefer Space Jelly."
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"Yes Brain, but if our knees bent the other way, how would we ride a bicycle?"
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"Wuh, I think so, Brain, but how will we get three pink flamingos into one pair of Capri pants?"
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"I think so, Brain, but Tuesday Weld isn't a complete sentence."
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"I think so, Brain, but why would anyone want to see Snow White and the Seven Samurai?"
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"I think so, Brain, but wouldn't mustard make it sting?"
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"I think so, Brain, but can you use the word 'asphalt' in polite society?"
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"I think so, Mr. Brain, but if the sun'll come out tomorrow, what's it doing right now?"
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"I think so, Brain, but aren't we out of shaving cream?"
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"Oh yes, Brain! Remind me to tape all our phone calls!"
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"Um, I think so, Brain, but I hear Hillary is the jealous type."
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"I think so, Brain, but Madonna's stock is sinking."
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"I think so, Brain. But does 'Chunk o' Cheesy's' deliver packing material?"
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"I think so, Brainwulf, but if we're Danish, where's the cream cheese? Narf!"
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"I think so, Bwain, but I don't think newspaper will fit in my underoos."
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"Uh, I think so, Brain--but after eating newspaper all day, do I really need the extra fiber?"
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"I think so, Brain! But isn't a dreadlock hair extension awfully expensive?"
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"I think so, Brain. But will anyone other than Eskimos buy blubber-flavored chewing gum?"
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"I think so, Brain, but the ointment expired weeks ago!"
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"Uh, I think so Brain, but how are we gonna teach a goat to dance with flippers on?"
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"Wuhh... I think so, Brain! But let's use safflower oil this time! It's ever so much healthier!"
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"Wuh... I think so, Brain. But Cream of Gorilla Soup—well, we'd have to sell it in awfully big cans, wouldn't we?"
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"I think so, Brain. But if he left chocolate bullets instead of silver, they'd get all runny and gooey!"
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"Yes, Brain, I think so, but do nuts go with pudding?"
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"I think so, Brain, but a codpiece made from a real fish would get smelly after a while, wouldn’t it?"
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"I think... so, Brain... *gag* ...but I didn't know Annette used peanut butter in that way."
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"I think so, Brain, but do those roost in this neighborhood?"
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"I think so, Brain, but is the world ready for angora bellbottoms? I mean I can see wearing them inside out, but that would--"
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"I think so, Commander Brain from Outer Space! But do we have time to grease the rockets?"
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"I think so, Doctor. But are these really the legs of a show girl?"
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"Whuh... I think so, Brain. But this time I get to play the dishwasher repairman!"
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"I think so, Brainius. But what if a sudden wind were to blow up my toga?"
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"I think so, Brain. But Trojans won’t arrive on the scene for another 300 years."
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"I think so, Brain... but where would a yak put PVC tubing?"
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"Whuh... I think so, Brain, but... but if Charlton Heston doesn't eat Soylent Green, what will he eat?"
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"I think so, Brain, but would Danish flies work just as well?"
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"We think so, Brain! But dressing like twins is so tacky."
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"I think so, Brain, but practicing docking procedures with a goat at zero G's—it's never been done!"
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"I think so, Brain! But shouldn't we let the silk worms finish the boxer shorts before we put them on?"
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"I think so, Brain! You draw the bath and I'll fetch the alka-seltzers and candles!"
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"I think so, Brain. But the real trick will be getting Demi Moore out of the creamed corn!"
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"Wuhhh... I think so, Brain, but if a ham can operate a radio, why can't a pig set a VCR?"
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"I think so, Brain, you'd think [Lyndon Johnson would] have left room for baby-kissing, wouldn't you?"
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"I think so, Brain! But won't Mr. Hoover notice a missing evening gown?"
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"I think so, Brain! But what's the use of having a heart-shaped tattoo if it's going to be covered by hair?"
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"I think so, Brain, but couldn't the constant use of a henna rinse lead to premature baldness?"
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"I think so, Brain. Just make sure we don't swallow each other's bubbles!"
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"I think so, Brain! But ruby-studded stockings would be mighty uncomfortable wouldn't they?"
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"I think so, Brain, but if I have my portrait drawn, will we have time to make it to the lifeboats?"
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"I think so, Brain! But is Chippendale's ready for 'The Full Pinky?'"
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"I think so, Brain! But do I have what it take to be the 'Lord of the Dance'?"
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"I think so, Brain! How much deeper would the ocean be if there weren't sponges down there?"
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"Oh, I think so, Brain! But doing a clog dance in actual clogs will give me awful blisters."
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"I think so, Brain, but nose rings are kinda passé by now."
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"I think so, Brain, but where are we going to get a trained octopus at this time of night?"
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"I think so, Brain! But no more eels in jelly for me, thanks—I like my gelatin after lunch."
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"I think so, Brain, but I didn’t know 90210 was a real zip code! Will Tori be there?"
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"I think so, Brain. But if Pinocchio were carved out of bacon it wouldn't be the same story, would it?"
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"Um, I think so, Brain, but wasn't Dicky Ducky released on his own recognaissance?"
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"I think so, Brain, but Pepper Ann makes me sneeze."
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"I think so, Brain. But suppose we do the hokey pokey and turn ourselves around, is that what it's really all about?"
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"I think so, Brain, but just how will we get the weasel to hold still?"
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"I think so, Brain, but how are we going to get the bacon flavoring into the pencils?"
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"I think so, Brain, but instant karma's always so lumpy."
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)))
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(nth (random (length replies)) replies)))
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;; TODO: Move this to external file
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(add-hook 'after-init-hook
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(lambda () (setq initial-scratch-message
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(format "\n\n\n\n NARF!\n Emacs: %s\n\n >> Loaded in %s\n >>> %s"
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emacs-version
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(emacs-init-time)
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(narf/random-comeback)))))
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(provide 'core-splash)
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;;; core-splash.el ends here
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