diff --git a/core/autoload/files.el b/core/autoload/files.el
index fbdae80a2..7365641f6 100644
--- a/core/autoload/files.el
+++ b/core/autoload/files.el
@@ -167,6 +167,33 @@ single file or nested compound statement of `and' and `or' statements."
   `(let ((p ,(doom--resolve-path-forms files directory)))
      (and p (expand-file-name p ,directory))))
 
+;;;###autoload
+(defun doom-file-size (file &optional dir)
+  "Returns the size of FILE (in DIR) in kilobytes."
+  (when-let (file (file-exists-p! file dir))
+    (unless (file-readable-p file)
+      (error "File %S is unreadable; can't acquire its filesize"
+             file))
+    (nth 7 (file-attributes file))))
+
+;;;###autoload
+(defun doom-directory-size (dir)
+  "Returns the size of FILE (in DIR) in kilobytes."
+  (if (executable-find "du")
+      (/ (string-to-number (cdr (doom-call-process "du" "-sb" dir)))
+         1024.0)
+    ;; REVIEW This is slow and terribly inaccurate, but it's something
+    (let ((w32-get-true-file-attributes t)
+          (file-name-handler-alist dir)
+          (max-lisp-eval-depth 5000)
+          (sum 0.0))
+      (dolist (attrs (directory-files-and-attributes dir nil nil t) sum)
+        (unless (member (car attrs) '("." ".."))
+          (cl-incf
+           sum (if (eq (nth 1 attrs) t) ; is directory
+                   (doom-directory-size (expand-file-name (car attrs) dir))
+                 (/ (nth 8 attrs) 1024.0))))))))
+
 
 ;;
 ;;; Helpers